he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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