she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
