His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
