BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
