Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
