You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
