So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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