i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
