just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
