Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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