Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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