Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
