I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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