do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
