I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
