I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
