WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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