meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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