Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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