Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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