Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize