my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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