but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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