My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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