I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
