I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
