No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize