you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
