I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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