apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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