Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
