I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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