So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
