I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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