Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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