why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
