new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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