He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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