My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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