I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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