I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
