oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
