You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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