Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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