I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
