Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
