Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
