omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
