that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So vagazzling was a success
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
