where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
