We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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