i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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