We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who died my cat blue again?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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