Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
