no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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