i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
