I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
